


single and ready to jingle

by sleep_deprived



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Losers Club (IT), Adult Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bill Denbrough gets shitfaced, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Crying in the bathroom, Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Divorced, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is Whipped, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Endgame Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Everybody Lives, First Kiss, Fix-It, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Gift Exchange gone wrong, I Love Patricia Blum Uris, IT Chapter Two Fix-It, Loser's Holiday Party, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Alvin Marsh, Mentioned Myra Kaspbrak, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak, Mentioned Tom Rogan - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Richie Tozier, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is Whipped, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Stanley Uris Lives, but in a good way, hanbrough if you squint, happy holidays it fandom, i based this fic off of a pair of socks that i actually own, no beta we die like men, no joke i'm dead serious, she deserves the world, takes place in december 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_deprived/pseuds/sleep_deprived
Summary: “Hey, Eds. I’m single. You down to jingle?” Eddie knew he was joking. For the love of fuck, of course Eddie knew he was joking, but he was incredibly buzzed and so in love with his best friend that this time he couldn’t stop himself.“I got a divorce.” Mike choked on the eggnog he had been drinking and the room grew scarily quiet as all eyes fell on Eddie. The smile on Richie’s face disappeared as he stared at him in disbelief.“You what?”[Or: Eddie says too much and has two life-altering conversations in Bill Denbrough's bathroom]
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 8
Kudos: 178





	single and ready to jingle

**Author's Note:**

> This mess was supposed to be a one-shot but, as you can see, it grew into something more than that. I'm proud of it, though. Besides, we could all use a little reddie fluff in our lives right now. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays It fandom!
> 
> P.S. I know that the thing that happened to Richie at the Capitol and the park was while they were separated that summer but for the sake of the fic pretend please :)

Christmas in LA was very different from Christmas in New York City. The most glaring difference, Eddie noticed, was the lack of snow. New York was always cold this time of year and there was usually never enough snow to stick, but he could always count on the snowfall to dazzle him come December. The beauty of it almost made trekking through the slushy streets the next day worth it. Almost.

LA, as Richie had warned him it would be, was warm, dry, and sunny. For someone who had lived in the Northeast his entire life, a Christmas without snow was a surprisingly hard concept to grasp. The snow would be missed this year, but he supposed that he wouldn’t mind so much surrounded by the right company. 

“We’ve arrived, sir,” the taxi driver said, glancing at him in the rearview mirror. Eddie nodded before thanking the man and handing him what he owed for the ride.

“Do you need any help with your luggage?”

“I’ve got it, but thanks,” Eddie answered, opening the door to step out of the car.

“No problem, man. Happy Holidays!”

“Happy Holidays.” After grabbing his stuff out of the trunk, he stood on the curb and watched as the cab drove off. His face scrunched into a scowl as soon as it was out of sight. “That cost a fucking fortune,” he complained before turning to make his way up to the front stoop of Bill’s stupid fancy house.  _ Maybe I should have just let Richie drive me, _ he thought miserably to himself because of course Richie had offered to pick him up from the airport. Eddie had turned him down under the flimsy excuse that he didn’t want him to waste gas driving all the way to LAX and back. The truth, however, was that he hadn’t trusted himself to be alone with Richie for that long. That was the other difference between Christmas here and at home. In New York City, it was just Eddie. Eddie and his too-big apartment he got after the divorce he still hadn’t told the losers about yet. Here, Eddie had all his favorite people in one place. Here, he had all he had ever wanted and more. Here, he had the one person he loved more than anything else in the world. He had Richie. The only problem was that Richie was oblivious to the fact and Eddie had absolutely no intention of telling him. It was simply going to have to be enough to have Richie back in his life. 

“Good grief,” Eddie mumbled, his hand hovering in a fist against the door. “What a mess.” With a groan, he finally knocked. The door was immediately swung open and he was greeted by a smiling Bill. He had been so much happier since his split from Audra.  _ He deserves it, _ Eddie thought with a smile. 

“Eddie!” Bill exclaimed. “It’s s-s-so good to s-s-see you, man! Come in!” 

“Good to see you too, Big Bill. Quite the house you got here.” 

“Well-” Bill started to say before being cut off by one loud mouthed Richie Tozier.

“Is that you, Spaghetti? Have you finally returned to me, my love?” he announced as he rounded the corner with a smirk. Eddie rolled his eyes and hoped no one noticed the blush crawling it’s way onto his face. 

“Beep beep, Rich.”

“Oh, you totally missed me,” Richie said, making his way toward him.

“Even if I did, why would I admit it? I refuse to inflate your already ridiculously large ego.” Richie laughed before pulling him into a tight hug.

“Yeah, I missed you too, Eds,” he sighed. Eddie felt his breath hitch. 

“Don’t call me that.” It came out embarrassingly softer than he had been hoping for. 

“Eddie!” Beverly yelled, tumbling into the foyer. The rest of the losers weren’t far behind. “What took you so long?”

And just like that, he was gathered into an even bigger group hug and the little moment he had been sharing with Richie was over long before either of them had wanted it to be.

“Do none of you know anything about personal space?” Eddie joked. Beverly scoffed and nudged him with her shoulder.

“Oh, be quiet. Just admit you’re glad to see us,” she said. 

“Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, you losers.”

***

It was an hour into their holiday party and Eddie was pretty sure he was already drunk. Not to the point where he no longer had control over his actions and decisions, but to the point where he wasn’t sure if he could keep his mouth shut. All the losers were gathered around Bill’s kitchen island, shooting the shit with drinks in hand. Their lucky seven had grown to an extraordinary eight through the addition of Stan’s wife, Patty, that they had all immediately adored from the moment they had met her. 

“What’s crack-a-lacking, Kaspbrak?” Richie asked, sliding against the counter in Eddie’s direction. Eddie startled, causing the drink in his glass to jump and almost lap out onto the floor. He spared a glance at the man next to him before returning his eyes back to where they had been and replying.

“Observing.” Richie raised his eyebrows and followed his gaze across the room.

“I’m not the only one who thinks there’s something going on there, right?” Richie said, leaning his head closer to Eddie’s in an attempt to keep their conversation a bit more private. 

“Oh, there’s definitely something going on there. Just look at them.” Bill and Mike were pressed as close to each other as possible, laughing like their lives depended on it. You could practically feel the love radiating off of them. It made him acutely aware of how close he was to Richie.  _ I wonder if we ever look like that to other people. _

“It’s about time. They’ve been making cutesy eyes at each other since the Jade. Do you remember if they were like this when we were kids?” Richie laughed.

“I’m excited for them. They both sure as hell deserve to be happy,” Eddie replied, disregarding the question. It had been months since Derry 2.0 and he still got anxious when he thought about their forgotten childhood for too long. 

“Me too. Speaking of happy, how are you doing, Eds?” Out of everything Eddie had expected him to say, it certainly wasn’t that. 

“What’d you mean, Rich?”

“I can tell something’s bothering you. You’ve been tense all night.”  _ So he did see right through me,  _ Eddie thought miserably. The secret of his divorce had been weighing on him all night. He had waited to tell them until they were all together, but now that they were he couldn’t find the courage to do it. What was the right time to drop a bomb like that, anyway?

“I’m fine,” Eddie finally said. “Just tired.” The look on Richie’s face told him that he wasn’t buying it and was about to push the subject further, but Bill started to speak before he could. 

“Who wants to do gifts?” he announced, turning everyone’s attention to the dopey smile on his face. 

“We’ve got a few hours left ‘til midnight, Bill. It’s still Christmas eve,” Ben said. He spoke in a gentle tone that exposed his internal worry that Bill had drunk himself into forgetting what day it was. 

“We won’t do all of them tonight. Everyone will just open one. What’d say guys?” The losers all looked around at each other and shrugged before following a victorious Bill out to the living room. Stan and Patty took the loveseat, Ben, Beverly, Bill, and Mike took the couch, Eddie sat in a cushioned chair he had stolen from across the room, and Richie sat on the floor at his feet. 

“When’s the last time we sat around like this?” Beverly asked. A wide smile had spread across her face as her eyes moved up from her and Ben’s intertwined hands to look at the rest of her friends. It only faltered slightly before she quietly tagged on “Ya know, without the looming threat of death.”

“Honestly? I think it was that summer. The day after. You went to live with your aunt the next day,” Richie answered, absently picking at his cuticles as he struggled to recall it.

“We spent that whole day at the clubhouse,” Mike added. Like Beverly, he also was sporting a big smile. 

“That’s right!” Richie exclaimed. “We spent the whole morning in each other’s silent company.”

“Taking in the fact that It was gone. It was nice,” Stan said. His words made Patty snuggle closer into his side and close her eyes. The night he had got that call from Mike to come home, she had known immediately that something was wrong with her husband. He had completely shut down. 

_ “Stan,” Patty said, a desperate tone in her voice as she grabbed Stan’s arm to stop him from going up the stairs. There was a towel swung over his shoulder and a dead look on his pale face. _

_ “I’m just going to take a bath, babylove.” His voice came out flat.  _

_ “Can we talk first?” Stan let out a shaky breath before answering.  _

_ “About what?” _

_ “What’s wrong, hon? What was that call about?” _

_ “It was just a telemarketer. I’m fine,” he replied, making a move to continue up the stairs again. Patty stopped him by taking his face in her small hands and making him look her in the eyes.  _

_ “Stanley Uris,” she said, her voice as soft as she could make it. “I love you, and no matter what you say to me, I’m not going anywhere. I know you, and this isn’t normal. Please talk to me.” Stan stared back into her pleading eyes for what felt like forever before he finally nodded and followed his wife away from the direction of the second floor bathroom. _

He had told her everything that night. Sure, it had all seemed batshit crazy (because it absolutely was), but she knew Stan wasn’t lying to her. Now, sitting on Bill Denbrough’s loveseat months later, the casually thrown around mention of the losers’ shared evil clown childhood trauma made her shiver out of fear and sympathy for her husband and her new friends. 

“Until Richie opened his trashmouth,” Eddie huffed, kicking Richie in the arm. This, however, only drew a laugh from the other man. 

“You’re one to talk! Once I opened my mouth, so did you!”

“Well someone had to keep you entertained,” Eddie said as he shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to hide the red creeping up his neck. Richie smirked before answering. 

“And entertain me you did, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie scolded, shoving Richie’s entire laughing body to the floor. 

“Well that’s one way to relive the moment,” Ben chuckled, the other losers following suit. Eddie pretended not to notice. 

“Are we ever gonna do what we came out here to do or what?” Richie asked at the tail end of his laughing fit. Mike perked up at this before grabbing a present from under the Christmas tree and handing it to Patty. She looked first to the present in her lap and then back up at the man who had given it to her, an unspoken question hanging in the air. 

“For you, Patty. Open it,” Mike said, nudging her arm gently in encouragement. After a few seconds, she began to cautiously pull at the wrapping of the small gift. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands when it was finally exposed, allowing it to fall back into her lap. 

“Mike, honey, this is too much! I can’t accept this!” Exasperated, she looked over at her husband to see his reaction to this. Stan, to her surprise, just had a knowing smile on his face.

“Of course you can. All us losers pitched in. We know how much you both enjoyed your trip to Buenos Aires this summer, so we thought we’d help you along with your next adventure.” Patty was on the verge of tears as she glanced down once again at the paperwork and plane tickets to Italy and then back to the group of people before her.

“You all didn’t have to do this,” she whispered. Everyone else just grinned.

“Consider it a thank you gift for believing your husband and not putting us all in a psych ward,” Mike said, a playful hint to his voice. Patty let out a wet laugh.

“You’ve got me there. Thank you all so much.”

“Don’t mention it, Pattycake! Just be sure to eat as much spaghetti as you can while you’re there for me,” Richie added, earning himself a heel to the ribs from Eddie and a chuckle from Patty.

“For you, Rich? Absolutely.” She took the time to wipe a few more absent tears and spoke again. “Alright then, who’s next?” Richie immediately shot up from his spot on the floor and began to make his way to the pile of presents. He picked up a rather oddly shaped gift before tossing it to Eddie and reclaiming his spot between the other man’s legs.

“For you, Eduardo.”

“Not my name,” Eddie replied, taking the time to observe the concealed item. “What even is this?”

“Now, it would defeat the purpose of me wrapping it if I told you what it was, wouldn’t it?” 

“Well, I wouldn’t ask if I trusted you enough not to do something stupid.” Richie smirked and tilted his head up to look him in the eyes. 

“You’re gonna love it.” Eddie groaned as he reluctantly began to peel back the colorful paper because  _ that absolutely means I’m going to hate it. _ He, of course, was right. 

“Fuck you, man,” Eddie grumbled as Richie doubled over in laughter. In his hands, Eddie held a red lifeguard fanny pack with the words  _ Los Angeles, California  _ printed across it in bold, white letters. 

“I thought you could add it to your collection,” Richie said through tears of joy. Eddie was about to shoot something back but completely forgot about it when he looked up to see the rest of his friends trying to stifle their own laughter at the little exchange.

“Fuck all of you! Some friends you are!”

“I thought you loved us, Eddie,” Beverly sniffled, stopping herself from giggling long enough to mock sadness. 

“Regardless.” The irritated man tried to scowl at her, but he couldn’t make himself hold it long enough before a smile broke out. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the gift giver, who was gazing up at him again with a soft smile after his laughter had subsided.

“You’ll be lucky if I even decide to give you your gift after this, asshole,” Eddie teased. 

“Never fret, my love,” Richie cooed, making Eddie blush. He found himself mentally repeating the same mantra he had been using since they were thirteen to help slow down his fast-beating heart:  _ He doesn’t actually mean it. That’s just Richie being Richie.  _ “That was just the warm up. A gag-gift, if you will. You’ll get your actual gift tomorrow.”

“Speaking of gag-gifts,” Beverly said, standing up and throwing a present at Richie. “Catch.” The man in question fumbled the item thrown at him a couple times before he actually got a good grip on it. It was small and wrapped in paper covered in little snowmen wearing red scarves. 

“This isn’t going to explode, right? You trying to kill me, Marsh?” 

“You would have been dead a long time ago if that was the case,” she replied, a smirk plastered on her face. Richie chuckled as he began to rip the paper off. Once he had the exposed gift in his hands, a loud holler of laughter ripped out of his chest. 

“I hope you know that once I put these on, I do not intend on taking them off.” 

“I saw them at Target the other day and I just knew I needed to get them for you. Aren’t they awesome?”

“They’re perfect!” Both were laughing now as the others looked on in confusion.

“Aren’t they j-j-just socks?” Bill asked. Richie shook his head and held them in the air, displaying their festive design along with the text that decorated their sides. 

“They say ‘single and ready to jingle’,” he chuckled, clutching them tightly in his left hand. Richie turned to look back up at Eddie and his smile grew wider.

“Hey, Eds. I’m single. You down to jingle?” Eddie knew he was joking. For the love of  _ fuck, _ of course Eddie knew he was joking, but he was incredibly buzzed and so in love with his best friend that this time he couldn’t stop himself. 

“I got a divorce.” Mike choked on the eggnog he had been drinking and the room grew scarily quiet as all eyes fell on Eddie. The smile on Richie’s face disappeared as he stared at him in disbelief.

“You what?” Richie spluttered out. 

“Shit. I, uh,” he started, glancing around desperately. “This was not how I wanted to do this.” After being met by nothing more than continued silence, Eddie took a deep breath and began to explain. “Yeah, I got a divorce. I left Myra. It was a few months ago, actually. After I got back from, uh, Derry. I’ve been living by myself in an apartment in Manhattan since before it was even finalized.” He paused to gauge everyone’s reaction and Bill took the opportunity to finally speak up. 

“Eddie, I’m s-s-so sorry, man.” Eddie shook his head with a distressed smile, which plunged the other people in the room into a further state of confusion. 

“Don’t be sorry. I certainly am not. It was something I’ve been wanting to do for so long, but I didn’t because something was holding me back. At the time I thought maybe it was some sort of love or pity, but now…...now I know that was never it. I don’t think I ever loved her. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever loved any wo-,” Eddie stopped himself before the rest of that sentence could slip out and cleared his throat. “Never mind, the point is that now I really know why I felt like I couldn’t leave. The woman,” he paused again and ran a hand through his hair anxiously. “She’s just like my mother. It took coming back to the town I grew up in and killing a demonic clown to realize I married my mom. And that just…...that was one of the last pieces of the puzzle. Knowing that and having you all back in my life gave me the courage I needed to finally end it. Not only that, but I finally had the, uh,” he hesitated, glancing down at Richie and immediately regretting it. The expression on his face was wide eyed and unreadable. Despite this, he held their eye contact and spoke in a way that sounded like a plea for understanding. “Motivation. A reason to leave.” Eddie finally looked away and back to the rest of the losers after saying that out of fear of what Richie’s reaction would be. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you all. I wish I could say it was because there never was a right time to do it, but I think I was really just scared. Scared of what it meant. Not to say this was the right time, though, because it definitely wasn’t. Sorry about that.”

“Eddie, honey, no. Don’t worry about that. We’re just glad that you told us now,” Beverly said, her face full of loving concern. Everyone but Richie, who was still stock-still, nodded and expressed their agreement. Eddie suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. 

“I think I’m actually gonna go to the bathroom. I had a lot to drink and it’s finally starting to catch up to me.” He awkwardly stood up and stepped around the man below him before making a run for it and locking the bathroom door behind him. 

***

_ What the fuck was that?!  _ Richie thought, helplessly frozen as the whole ordeal replayed over and over in his mind.

_ “Motivation. A reason to leave.” _

Finally, after many unusual (for Richie, that is) minutes of sitting quiet and completely still, he practically flew through the air by how fast he stood up. The room’s attention immediately switched to the man who was very visibly on the verge of a breakdown. Feeling the weight of multiple eyes on him, Richie glanced around at everyone and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose before speaking. 

“I’m gonna to go talk to him.” Beverly was the next to stand up as he spun in the opposite direction to walk away. 

“Rich, wait,” she said, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Can I talk to him first, please? Divorcee to divorcee?” He turned around to look back at her with an expression so full of emotion that she almost took a step back and let him go. “It’ll only be a few minutes and then you can have him all to yourself. I promise,” she added in a soft whisper. He stared into her eyes for a few more seconds before slowly nodding. Beverly gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and moved to walk past him to follow after Eddie. 

***

The bathroom door was shut and locked when Beverly approached it. With a sigh, she brought her closed fist to the door, knocked three times, and let her hand fall flat against the wood. When this yielded nothing but silence, she spoke up.

“Eddie, it’s just me. Can you please let me in?” Still nothing. This would’ve been the time someone else might’ve walked away and left him be, but not Beverly Marsh. She pushed on. “I know you’re not pissing. You’ve been in there way longer than it takes to use the bathroom and you never stay in a bathroom longer than you have to.” She leaned against the door and waited. After a few moments, she heard the lock click when he turned it to the left as an unspoken invitation to come in and let a small smile grace her face. It quickly disappeared, however, at the sight before her when she opened the door. Eddie was sitting on the toilet lid and looked completely distraught. She hurriedly pushed it closed behind her and took a seat on the side of the tub to properly talk to her friend. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine. I told you guys I was fine.”

“You clearly aren’t, though.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“I’m not lying! I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be after leaving the carbon copy of my mother?! I’m happy!” Eddie’s hands began to flail through the air as he grew more hysteric. Beverly shook her head.

“I know that, and I’m so happy and proud of you for finally getting away from that situation, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Something else is bothering you.”

“And what if there is?” Eddie replied, his voice a shaky whisper.

“And what if there is?” Beverly repeated, lifting her eyebrow in question. “Would it have to do with the ‘motivation’ you were talking about earlier?” Eddie’s face went red.

“You mean you guys? Why would it? I told you it was because of you all that I found the courage to leave Myra. Why would I be bothered by that?”

“First of all, it wasn’t us who gave you the courage to do it. All we did was remind you of the courage and bravery you’ve had all along,” she said, reaching out to hold his hand between her own two in an attempt to comfort him. “Second of all, you mentioned us separately from the motivation.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to. I was just caught up in an emotional ramble,” Eddie explained, trying and failing to play dumb.

“Again, I say. You’re a terrible liar. You mentioned a separate motivation and I know that it was intentional. You know how I know that, Eddie?” Instead of an answer, Eddie just kept his mouth shut and stared at the floor. “Not gonna talk? Alright, then I will.” He moved his eyes from the ground to shoot her a nervous glance. “My ex husband was just like my dad.” She heard his breath hitch and felt his grip tighten on the hand she was holding. “Yeah. I left Derry and forgot. Not only did I forget you guys, but I forgot _ him. _ I forgot the way he had treated me and I forgot how I had been strong enough to stand up to him and escape the abuse. I forgot, and I ended up crawling right back to it in the form of Tom Rogan. When I got that call, though, I started to remember. I started to remember I was strong enough. I had to literally fight my way out the front door,” she winced at the memory and could feel her arms throb from the ghost of the long gone bruises. “But I got out. I left my ring on the front stoop, and I got out. That was the first step. When I actually got back to Derry and saw you all, everything came back so much faster. It wasn’t until I remembered everything about Ben that I actually called my lawyer, though. Every day he shows me what it’s like to truly love and be loved back in the way I know now that I deserve. He was my motivation.” Beverly took that moment to pause and give her friend time to process what she had said before dropping the next bombshell. “I saw the way you looked at him when you talked about motivation, honey. I know that look. And you wanna know something else? I’ve always known. Ever since the summer of ‘89.” Eddie, unexpectedly, let out a small laugh. “You were a harder nut to crack than Richie, but once I figured it out it was hilarious how obvious it seemed through new eyes. You never said it, so I never truly knew for sure. But that look. That confirmed it for me.” He just kept laughing, but Beverly couldn’t see that he was crying until he picked his head up to actually look at her. “Oh, Eddie,” she whispered, wiping the stray tears away with her thumb.

“I’m so in love with him, Bev, and I have no fucking clue what to do about it.”

“Well, that’s an easy one.”

“What?” Beverly removed her other hand from his and moved it up to cradle his face.

“You tell him.” Eddie jerked back and shook his head.

“Oh, absolutely not. Are you crazy? I just got him back. I can’t tell him and have him push me away because of it. I can’t-,” Eddie choked, gratefully accepting the tissue box Beverly was handing to him. “I can’t lose him again.” 

“Eddie,” Beverly started, offering a sympathetic smile. “You and I both know that there is nothing you could ever say or do to him to make him stay away from you. It’s literally impossible. Do you want to ask little thirteen year old Eddie? I’m sure he’d tell you the same. He always had Richie attached to his hip.” Eddie chuckled a little at that, but it sounded tired and flat. 

“I still don’t think I can do it,” he finally said. Beverly sighed and decided it was time for “Plan B”. Maybe it wasn’t her business, but at the same time, every losers’ business was also each other’s business. Besides, both these idiots had been dancing around each other long enough. 

“For what it’s worth, Richie loves you more than anything else in the world. You mean everything to him.” Eddie almost fell off the toilet when she said that. Beverly grabbed his elbow to help steady him. 

“You don’t know that.”

“You are so incredibly stubborn,” Beverly said, a smirk stretching across her face. It slowly fell away, though, as she continued to speak. “When we thought we lost you, Eddie, we were devastated. It was a feeling I hope I never have to feel again. But Richie....oh god, honey, he was so much more than devastated. He was broken. He wasn’t…...Richie. The only reason we were really able to get you out was because he refused to leave you there. He cried and screamed and kicked and cussed as they tried to drag him away from you - ‘We can still help him, guys! We can still help him!’ ‘We gotta get him out of here right now! I can’t fucking leave him here like this, man! What the fuck is wrong with you? You wanted me to leave him down here?! Are you nuts?! No!’ - until Ben finally caved and helped pick you up and carry you out. I can still hear his screaming voice in my head as clear as day and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. If we hadn’t helped him get you out of there, we would have either had to forcefully drag him out or he would have stayed down there and died with you.” Beverly paused as she felt her own tears start to slip down her cheeks. “We almost lost both of you that day.” The expression on Eddie’s face looked extremely pained, but she trudged on. There was still more he needed to know. “He never left your side once you were in the hospital. That’s not an exaggeration, either. The nurses gave up on trying to get him to take a break every once in a while because he just refused to leave. In fact, the only shower he got in all that time was after we got out of Neibolt and you were in surgery. They would not let him sit in on it no matter how much he yelled at the doctors, so we dragged him back to the Town House and made him shower off the sewer. After that, he planted himself at your side and never left. He was terrified of losing you and terrified of the idea of you having to wake up alone. We all made a routine of bringing him food and sitting with you both for a while, the nurses would sometimes slip him the good snacks reserved only for the patients, and I brought him a change of clothes every day. I figured you’d appreciate not waking up to a complete greaseball.”

“I was out for three weeks.”

“Yes, you were.”

“Three weeks and he never left?” Eddie whispered, beginning to cry harder. 

“Not once. He didn’t even call his manager back. It’s a miracle he still has a job.” Eddie chuckled wetly into his hands.

“How do I tell him, Bev?” he eventually asked. She beamed at him and swiped at his face with a tissue.

“With your words.”

“That’s not helpful at all.” Beverly stood up and ruffled his hair before making her way back to the door.

“Sure it is. It’s gonna have to be because he’s coming in next.”

“What?!” Eddie yelped, jerking his head up to look directly at her.

“Oh, please. I don’t know why you’re surprised. I had to stop him from coming in here earlier so I could talk to you first.” Eddie did nothing but stare back at her with pleading eyes. She just offered him another soft smile. “You’ll be alright. It’s just Richie.”

“That’s the problem!” Beverly laughed and pulled the door open. However, as she went to walk out, she bumped right into someone. She looked up into the tear-filled face of Richie Tozier and sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night. 

“Didn’t your mom ever teach you that it’s impolite to eavesdrop?” she asked, although there was no fire behind the comment.

“What Mags doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” he replied. His voice was strained. Beverly glanced behind her at a shocked Eddie before turning back to Richie. 

“Good luck,” she said. It hadn’t been exactly clear which one of them she had been saying it to, but it didn’t matter because they both needed to hear it. Beverly leaned up and kissed Richie’s cheek before pushing past him and walking away from the bathroom. 

“And then there were two,” Richie joked, voice barely above a whisper as he tried to ease the tension. Eddie, to the other man's surprise, giggled and rubbed at his wet eyes. 

“Shut up, you asshole. How much of that did you hear?”

“Uh,” Richie started, suddenly finding his hands very interesting. “All of it.”

“Dude!”

“What did you expect, man?” Richie countered, looking back at him and throwing his hands up as he came into the room. “You dropped some big, life-altering news and then fucked off to the bathroom! I was…” He trailed off, lowering his hands and, in turn, his voice. “I was worried about you.” Another beat passed before he spoke again in a tone so soft and quiet that Eddie almost didn’t hear it. “Am I?”

“Are you what?” Eddie knew what he was asking, but he pretended he didn’t anyway. 

“Am I? Or I guess, uh, was I? Your motivation?” Terrified. That’s how Eddie felt at that moment. He was scared shitless, but he knew it was already too late. There was no backtracking from this.

“Close the door, Rich.” Richie immediately did as he was told.  _ He always has,  _ Eddie’s mind supplied unhelpfully.  _ In the end, Richie has always done whatever I wanted when it truly mattered. _ “I,” Eddie started to say, but the words got caught in his throat.  _ Jesus Christ, breathe! Just like Bev said! It’s just Richie! _ He took a deep, shaky breath in and started again. “My whole life since Derry I always knew something was missing. It was different, though. It was a different kind of missing. It wasn’t the same kind of ache felt for forgotten friends or frustration over not remembering what high school you graduated from. I always felt like there was just......a piece of me missing. I left Derry and I never felt whole again. After a while, though, I kinda just started to accept that nothing was ever gonna fill that hole in my heart. That was just the way it was. The only reason I ever married Myra was because there was something so oddly  _ familiar _ about her and I mistook it for love. I thought that was what love was! And it is, in a way, I guess, but I hadn’t experienced real love in such a long time that I couldn’t remember what it felt like. Coming back to Derry, though, finally opened the door back up for me. It made me realize what that familiarity stemmed from and holy shit, Rich! It’s revolting to even think about now! But,” Eddie paused to look at Richie, to truly look at Richie. He was looking back at him with an expression so open and vulnerable that it was hard to identify every emotion that passed over his face. Sympathy, understanding, mourning, but also hope? Possibly? Eddie turned his eyes to the ground at the intensity of it. Whatever it was, it gave him the strength to keep talking. “But it also helped me remember what real love felt like. When I turned around to see you standing there in the restaurant that night, it all came back to me so hard and fast that I’m shocked I didn’t get whiplash and fall backward into that stupid fish tank. So many memories that meant the world to me as a kid and meant so much more than that to me as an adult flooded into my head and broke the dam in my brain to pieces. Like the summer days wasted away with comic books in that tiny ass hammock at the clubhouse. I always gave you shit for never giving me a turn, but it was just an act to be able to climb in there with you and justify it as something that it wasn’t. Or when we’d fly through the streets on our bikes, just the two of us, when the others were busy or we just wanted it to be us. I always felt like I was flying whenever I did that with you. There was that one day, though, when you weren’t paying attention and flew over your handlebars because you hit the curb. I remember being so upset for multiple reasons. Upset at you for being a dumbass and letting yourself get hurt, upset because I was worried you had a concussion or something worse that would land you in the hospital, upset at the  _ curb. _ ” Eddie stopped to laugh at that. “I blamed the curb for you getting hurt! At least, I wanted to, because I actually blamed myself that day. I blamed myself for always wanting you to pay attention to me and nothing else, I blamed myself for distracting you just so you would look at me with those big fucking eyes behind those dumb fucking glasses and laugh, I blamed myself for encouraging you just to see you smile, and I blamed myself for feeling that way about my best friend as I forced you to sit on my bathroom counter while I rummaged through the medicine cabinet so I could patch you up. All you did was continue to laugh and tell me it was okay but it didn’t help because, to me, it  _ wasn’t. _ For me, it was deeper than the cuts in your cheeks and the scrapes on your knees. I realized something about myself that day and I realized it again twenty-seven years later as I stared at you like an idiot at the Jade. The thing that had always felt missing from my life? It wasn’t a thing. It was a person. It was you, Richie Tozier. It’s always been you.” With that finally off his chest, Eddie felt like he could actually breathe again for the first time in a long time. That is, until he looked up at his stunned and tearful best friend. “And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same! I just had to tell you because it’s been eating away at me for so long and-”

“Eddie!” Richie yelped suddenly, causing the other man to clamp his mouth shut and end his panicked tangent. “Beverly was right.”

“Yeah, she usually is,” Eddie replied as he stared at Richie in confusion. It took him a few painfully long seconds to figure out what he meant by that, but when he did his eyes grew wide. “Wait, about you?”

“Yeah,” Richie said quietly, a small smile on his tear-streaked face. “She’s always been able to see right through me, even when we were kids. How could she not, though?” He laughed shakily as he dropped himself down to sit on the edge of the tub. “With the stunt I pulled after you broke your arm, I’m surprised the whole damn town didn’t know!”

“What stunt?”

“Huh?” Richie had been dragging an aggressive hand through his hair, so Eddie reached out and pulled it away from his head and into his lap in an attempt to calm him. It worked, but only a little bit.

“What happened after my mom took me to the hospital? I always knew that something did and that it was why the group broke up for a while, but no one ever actually told me why. I always assumed it was just because of the clown.”

“And it was,” Richie said, chewing on his bottom lip. “Well, kind of.”

“What do you mean  _ kind of _ ?”

“By  _ kind of  _ I mean I flew off the rail at Bill because you almost died and he socked me in the face.”

“What?”

“Big Bill punched me in the face. I kinda deserved it, though.”

“Is that why you had a black eye when you climbed through my window that night?” Eddie asked, his voice softer than it had been throughout their whole conversation. “You said that It did that to you.”

“I lied, Eds,” Richie sighed. He reached out to play with Eddie’s fingers and felt warm all over when he wasn’t pushed away. “I lied because I knew if I told you the truth you’d want to know why and that was too much for me. I lied about a lot of things that summer.” 

“Like what?” 

“Remember when all of you were talking about your first encounters with the clown and I pretty much said you were all crazy?”

“Can only virgins see this stuff? Is that why I’m not seeing this shit?” Eddie said, a ghost of a laugh hidden in his voice as he quoted Richie from all those years ago. Present-day Richie smiled a little and chuckled.

“Yeah. I lied about that too. I was, in fact, seeing that shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Well, because that leads us into the next thing I lied about.”

“Which is?”

“You sure do ask a lot of questions,” Richie huffed, contradicting the smile that never left his face. Eddie knew what Richie was trying to do and pushed on to avoid letting him steer away from the topic.

“And you sure do give a lot of vague and cryptic answers.” Eddie paused when he sensed how the tension in the air changed. It was no longer a tension between the two of them, but a tension between Richie and himself. He put his free hand on Richie’s knee and stroked back and forth with his thumb. “You can tell me anything, Rich. I hope you know that.” Richie looked him deep in the eyes and, with a shaky breath, nodded.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just a lot.”

“Take your time. I won’t rush you.” Richie shook his head and looked down as he began to laugh again.

“Time. We’ve already wasted so much time! Twenty-seven years of time that we’ll never get back!” Eddie scoffed at him.

“Stop laughing at that, you psycho! And in that case,” Eddie said as he reached up and turned Richie’s face to look at him. Just as he had suspected he would, Richie shut up immediately. “Tell me now. Stop wasting time.” Eddie watched Richie’s Adam's apple bob up and down as he gulped and immediately went red in the face. It was enough for him to drop his hand back down into Richie’s lap, but not enough for him to force himself to look away. 

“I wasn’t scared of clowns. Well, I mean, I was. After that whole shit show, of course I was. It wasn’t what I was scared of, though. I was, um,” Richie trailed off as he pushed his glasses up past his forehead and dug the heel of his right hand into his eye. “Afraid of myself, I guess. Afraid of who I was. Who I am. Only the clown knew that, though, and  _ Jesus Christ _ did he milk the hell out of it. Which, uh, leads us into the first time I saw the clown. I had been at the Capitol playing arcade games with Connor.”

“Wait, Connor Bowers?” Eddie furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

“Yeah, because of course it was. Of course he was Bower’s cousin. I didn’t find that out until Henry actually showed up. He thought that I had been trying to hit on him and chased me out of there while shouting slurs. Everyone else just stood by and watched. I knew the asshole was running after me, so I ran as hard as I could until I was sure I lost him. I hadn’t even realized that I ended up in Memorial park until after I had flopped down on that bench in front of the Paul Bunyan statue. That fucking statue. I was crying into my hands and I heard this deep voice go ‘Want a kiss, Richie?’. When I looked up and the statue wasn’t on the pedestal anymore, I panicked, turned to my right and there it was. Alive and in my face. I remember rolling out of the way just in time to avoid getting flattened like a pancake when it destroyed the bench before trying to run. It struck the ground close to my feet not long after and I fell. In those last few moments of the attack, though, the statue’s voice changed. It changed into the unmistakable voice of Pennywise as he cackled and prepared to skewer me. Back then I thought I lived to get away because I convinced myself he wasn’t real, but after I went back to the park and the same goddamn thing happened a  _ second  _ time I knew that the only reason I was able to walk away was because the clown wanted to fuck with me, with all of us, for as long as he could.” 

“Is that what happened when you went to get your token?” As soon as the question was out of Eddie’s mouth, his stomach dropped with another realization. “Wait, is that why your token was….”

“An actual token? Yup. And yeah, that’s what happened when I went to get my token, except this time the statue didn’t attack me. It did. He was sitting on top of that statue taunting me about my ‘dirty little secret’ and saying shit about playing truth or dare and I just froze. I couldn’t move.” Eddie couldn’t figure out why that sounded so familiar until a memory from down in the cistern resurfaced. 

_ “Hey fuckface! You wanna play truth or dare? Here’s a truth! You’re a sloppy bitch!” _

“But that isn’t even the worst part,” Richie continued. His voice trembled and Eddie squeezed his hand tightly. “The worst part was that It knew more than that. It knew about you.” All color drained from Eddie’s face.

“Well, yeah. Of course It knew about me. It knew about all of us.”

“No, Eddie, I mean he  _ knew  _ about you. The fucker knew how I felt about you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. He used you to torment me. Remember when I told you that me and Bill got separated that day at Neibolt because I wandered off?”

“While I was busy getting sized up by the clown?” It came out more sarcastic than he had intended, but Richie let out a short, breathy laugh anyway. “Yeah. I remember.”

“I only ‘wandered off’ because It showed me you. I thought you were in that room I got trapped in. When Bill was finally able to pull me out, you showed up again. You popped through the mattress on the floor and said ‘Wanna play loogie?’ before this black tar shit came out of your mouth. We had barely escaped the goo before it reached our feet when we heard you, the real you, cry out. I think that’s the only reason we were able to get out of that room, actually. I don’t know about Bill, but you being in trouble trumped everything else for me.” 

“You made me look at you when It was coming at us.”

“I didn’t want the clown to be the last thing you saw before you died.”

“Neither did I. I never thanked you for that.”

“Oh, you don’t need t-”

“Thank you, Rich,” Eddie said anyway, his voice heavy with emotion that he hoped Richie interpreted in the way he meant him to. The sentiment reflected back at him proved that he did.

“There’s one more thing.”

“Another lie? It better be another lie because if you make a joke about my mother right now I swear to god-”

“It’s not exactly a lie, just something I never told you about. That day you patched me up after I fell off my bike? I didn’t go straight home after I left your house.”

“Where’d you go?”

“I was a thirteen year old boy who had feelings for his best friend in a town that would kill him if they found out. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, but it became harder and harder each day for me to hold it in, so I went to the only place I could go. The Kissing Bridge. I remember being utterly terrified that someone would see me as I carved our initials there. Despite that, I still went through with it because I needed to put it somewhere. In a world where I couldn’t actually say it out loud, I wanted it to exist somewhere outside of me.”

“You can say it now,” Eddie replied in a hushed tone. “We’re not kids in Derry anymore.” When silence took over the room, he immediately started to regret what he had said as thoughts of  _ fuck I pushed it too far  _ flung around his head. It was only a temporary panic, though, because Richie had something else to say.

“I love you, Edward Kaspbrak. I’ve loved you since the day you walked into kindergarten with a fanny pack clipped around your tiny waist and I love you more now as the adult you’ve grown to become.” Even though he had been the one who asked him to say it, Eddie still was shocked and red as a tomato at the confession.  _ Breathe, you idiot! _

“Richie,” he started, voice wobbling. “You were my first and only love. I love you more than anything in the universe. You’re it for me.” Now it was Richie’s turn to blush a deep crimson. 

“Well that was twenty-odd years overdue.”

“We’re idiots,” Eddie laughed, finally feeling completely weightless for the first time in his life. He was joined by the other man, who’s anxious tears were now mixing together with happy ones. When Eddie yanked him in for a kiss, it tasted salty from crying, yet was still completely and utterly perfect because it was  _ them. _ They continued to laugh into each other’s mouths as they basked in the relief and happiness being felt between the two of them for the first time in decades. 

On the other side of the door, Beverly Marsh smiled.

***

When Eddie woke up the next morning, he wasn’t alone in Bill Denbrough’s guest room. He was tangled up between Richie and the sheets and he couldn’t have been more happier. 

“Merry Christmas, Rich,” he mumbled into the other man’s shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, Eds,” Richie replied, a dopey smile taking over his whole face.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Aw, but you love it, Eds!”

“Yeah,” Eddie yawned, curling further into Richie. “I do.”

And if Richie’s real gift he gave to Eddie that day was a plane ticket to fly him back to LA? Well, that was no one’s business but their own.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Alexa, play "Tell Her About It" by Billy Joel


End file.
